actualmenacebuckybarnes:

she pickpockets steve’s cell on the regular and programs the phone numbers of strange women into his speed dial (steve presses [1] and panics when a sweet female voice answers, oh I was wondering when you would call! natasha’s told me so much about you!)

she opens a checking & investment account under clint’s name and makes him start putting money away for retirement (natashaaaaa i’m planning to die in a horrible accident before theeeeeen) instead of stuffing his money under the mattress like a fucking convict

she sends bucky a vague but urgent text message. when he arrives with his sniper rifle, two sub-machine guns, knives strapped to his thighs and a fleet of helicopters on his tail, she links her arm through his and drags him to the hair salon (bucky stop glaring at the poor hairdresser through the mirror. he’s shaking so hard he can’t even hold the scissors straight)

sam is frankly offended when she doesn’t turn her attentions onto him. until he realizes that natasha considers him the epitome of a well-adjusted human being. (she still keeps hiding hair straighteners all over his house whenever she visits though??)

the boys get together (Victims of Natasha’s Affection Support Group) one day and talk it over like, we should do something nice and slightly invasive for her too

so they make plans to ””kidnap”” her (actually, they have to inform her well ahead of time bc none of them wants to take the very real chance that she’ll kill them in a struggle), which was basically clint putting a blindfold over her eyes and leading her on a cruise ship and not taking it off until they are at least a mile away from shore.

then bucky presents her with a bikini, which fits PERFECTLY and nat’s like, wow how did you get my measurements, and bucky’s like, i stole some of your undergarments and natasha’s SO TOUCHED

(they all spend a week touring the caribbean and natasha carries a tube of sunblock with her and just casually applies it to the boys at unexpected times

ah! natasha that’s cold! give a guy some warning first!

steve you are literally the color of skim milk, don’t even sass me)